Beautiful
by Asen
Summary: Squall's thoughts on Rinoa. Not really romantic and not mushy. I'd love it if you'd give it a try. A bit deep.


Beautiful  
  
~~~Squall's POV~~~  
  
There she stood.  
  
Hair of the deepest black, eyes of the warmest brown. Inviting me to drown in a pleasant abyss of eternal happiness, safety and warmth. A smile plastered on her face that would melt an ice flow, but not the ice flow that was my heart.  
  
Of course not.  
  
It would be too simple, too easy and too hard all in one. They say I think things through too much, I'm always thinking. But it's just that they don't want to listen. Can't listen. I can't blame them, too caught up in their world that everything will be good. Everything will get better. Well I'm sorry, there's got to be one person who understands the truth. Unfortunately, and Hyne knows why, fate chose me.  
  
She was beautiful. There could be no denying it, no ignoring it and no escaping it. A happy, carefree sort of beauty that made you want to believe in it, in her. In everything you've ever been taught about happy endings and fairy tales. About the knights that ride off into the sunset on the glorious white horses with the beautiful, albeit shallow, women.  
  
But I guess I just couldn't believe in it.  
  
Couldn't believe in her.  
  
Couldn't see it happening or working out with an angel. An angel and a pessimist. It just didn't sound right. And with Rinoa, everything has to sound right. You just couldn't make things up or pretend to be happy around Rinoa. She had that kind of presence. It annoys and enthrals you at the same time. Not that I ever could be annoyed with her, but I could see how someone might be.  
  
So it was all supposed to work out. Like that knight riding off into the sunset. Well no one really considers what happens when that sunset fades and suddenly your stuck in the dark with a practically glowing white horse and a beautiful maiden screeching fearfully in your ear. Depressing eh? Well it's just the truth. I could see her. I could always see her, whenever I closed my eyes or just spaced out. Rinoa haunts every minute of my life with her beautiful presence. That beauty that makes you feel unworthy.  
  
I don't really know why I'm thinking about this. As if it's already over when it hasn't even begun. Or will it ever truly begin? Can't say I know, can't say I care to find out. Things are so much simpler when you're fighting. I won't say it's right, won't say violence is the answer, but it does make things easy. Black and white, right or wrong, good or bad, death or life. People try to add in the ethics, the morals, but there really aren't any when you come down to it. You know that it's either you or them, and that odd little thing called self-preservation keeps it from being you.  
  
Most of the time.  
  
But in love.if this even is love, how am I supposed to know.in that you have no plain and simple. There is no black and white, it's all shades of grey. Confusion and pain and, if your lucky, memories that will only grow more vivid with age.  
  
She's beautiful.  
  
Everything she stands so strongly for, everything she touches, everything she loves.  
  
Beautiful.  
  
So does that mean I'm beautiful? I shouldn't fall for it. But I can't not fall for it. She makes that impossible. Rinoa drives me to thought like nothing else ever has and as much as I can't stand it, I thrive for it. But no matter, I can't see it happening. She deserves someone who can appreciate this to her face. Who can tell her how beautiful she is and who can abandon himself all for her. And I just don't think I can do that, I don't think I'm strong enough to do it.  
  
Take it as you get it, understand what you think you know and ponder everything else until the daylight. When she comes back into my heart, returns to my sight as surely as if she had never left. I just don't know and I don't even think I want to.  
  
I'm confusing myself. These are thoughts better left for the night time when I can think about them, cherish them, hate them and never let them go. All in the safety of a place I frequent all too often. The safety of my mind. Here she comes again, and there goes everything I thought I knew.  
  
Beautiful.  
  
******************  
  
Well I'd love to hear your thoughts on how to make it better. It's just a bit of pointless babble from the POV of my favourite character. It might be a little deep.maybe a bit angsty. I didn't know what genre to put it in so I stuck it in romance/angst. Rating was another problem, but I thought PG suited it well. It's probably more likely G but I doubt children would like it much :P Hope you enjoyed it and I'd really appreciate feedback. This is my first effort in FF8 so ..yeah..lol. Thanks bunches.  
  
~Asen 


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